I miss you so much. I wish I could just reach out to you like a normal human would do to someone they had known for five years and built a relationship with. But here I am questioning it all. I wish we had had more time to work these things through, so I might not have needed a future with you in it. Failing that I wish we had had more time to figure out what a future could look like. Instead I am left here kind of just bumbling my way through. I meant what I said... I CAN hold this, but it isn't easy. The only other alternative is to cut myself loose from you though, and I don't think I can do that. Right at the core of all of this is that I love you. I love you for what you gave me. I love you for what you taught me. I love you for who you were to me and I love you for who I know you to be. How does one walk away from that love? How does one just walk away from the very thing that helped them to become who they are? How does one just walk away from the one person who was like a mother to them? I am so grateful that you don't seem to be making me do that, but I just wish we could have had more time to figure it all out. I miss you, and I love you.