Yes, DID does make me anxious, as well as my alters. Sometimes we don't agree on who's out and who does what. That's where IFS coping comes in. IFS = internal family systems, where I have a conversation with my alters. We try to find consensus among one another.

In reality, it all has to do with our traumas, and what feels safe to do, what feels less constricting and what feels less triggering. Sometimes our triggers clash because we've all experienced different traumas.

I know, in reality, that I, being the main person, experienced all this stuff. That's the theory behind my needing alters. But I honestly feel like it's still the alters' traumas and not my own. I only see bits and pieces, but when I see more, that's when I have body memories, nightmares, panic, and a bunch of other emotional storms that make me feel like I'm going to die and that I'm reliving someone else's nightmare - only, it's supposedly my own. I start feeling what the other alters feel, and it sucks. It's like empathy run amok from me to the alters. But the alters seem to know how I feel. They have empathy for me. Not all the time, but sometimes. They catch on to therapy before I do sometimes.

I have more control because I share my time with my alters now. I learn to be co-conscious with them, which is to say that I learn to manage my dissociation by facing my fears and dealing with one small trauma at a time - in bits and pieces (not in full flashbacks). Sometimes I do have flashbacks though, and it's both mentally and physically painful for me.

My T really helps me and my alters to get along.

I did have a scare yesterday, when my alters went out walking. But they kept the mask on, they kept their distance from others, and they limited their time to less than 30 minutes.

I'm suffering today with CFS/ME because of post-exertional malaise, and so it has me both bedbound and homebound. This will last today and maybe through tomorrow. We'll see. I need to rest in order for it to heal faster, but it's hard for me to rest.

Anyway, I am sorry you struggle with your own types of issues going outside and being in a wheelchair and having to ask for help when it may not be safe to do so during a pandemic.

I hope you can get your booster soon. I honestly think that everyone should be boosted at the 4-month mark, since the vaccines wane every 4 to 5 months, with the heaviest decline in efficacy from 6 months on forward. But there isn't enough funding, supplies, delivery professionals (drivers), taxpayer dollars, and resources to make that happen. It's hard enough getting the world vaccinated with even their first doses let alone getting the richer countries like ours boosted. Perhaps there's some invisible order to things, and that is why there are some holdouts, hesitant persons, and outright antivaxxers who refuse vaccines and/or their 2nd shot in a two-shot series. There are also those who are allergic to the vaccines and cannot take them, so they are the ones who are not taking the vaccines or who had a bad reaction to the first vaccine and could therefore not qualify to take any future vaccines. Their best bet are masks, social isolation/distancing, and post-Covid treatments, if they can survive it.

I do NOT believe in the statement that everyone will eventually get Covid. That's not true. Everyone may be exposed to the virus SARS-CoV-2, but it may not be a big enough dose to get the disease, COVID-19. That's why masks work; it's not to completely eradicate the virus from entering, but it's enough to reduce the dosage of virus that we inhale (or that we exhale if we are asymptomatic or symptomatic). So, for even those who cannot vaccinate, they can at least social distance by at least 6 feet away, limit their nonessential travels and local outings, and wear masks when they feel the urge to socialize, travel, etc. They can at least stay home if they are ill with anything, including a cold or the flu, since a pandemic might mean that Covid patients get priority over non-Covid patients, so that puts the immunocompromised, the disabled, and the elderly at higher risk of dying from non-Covid illnesses during a pandemic. If this wasn't a pandemic, then we wouldn't need as many precautions. But this pandemic affects not only Covid-19 spread, but also the repercussions of disease spread, accidents while driving or taking risky trips such as mountain climbing or hiking on risky trails or mountain biking, etc. It's about minimizing your own personal risk from not being seen at a busy ER filled with Covid patients.

Anyways, it's good to see some people using their own judgment to balance their risk tolerance with what they do in life, and to also consider mental health in that balance.

I may have OCD, but I also know that I cannot live this way forever. I hate that I put myself on lockdown, and that I gained weight, and that I'm afraid to go outside, and that my PTSD and DID have worsened. I have to balance my fears with what is also good for my mental and physical health, whilst also dealing with the risk factors of Covid. So that will mean going for walks while masked, or socializing online or outside in person while socially distanced and masked (if outside or indoors in shared air space), etc. I will maintain shopping solely online though; I was doing that before the pandemic, and I continue to do that now - only, they cater to in-store buyers because the online items remain limited. It's not fair because they also discriminate inadvertently to the elderly, disabled, and homebound persons who truly cannot physically go to the store, as well as to people without vehicles to do curbside pickups, etc. It's too risky to take public transportation, and it's also too risky for some to enter public spaces indoors.

Anyway, I'm rambling now, when I should be napping.