It took me the best part of a year to get to a point with ex-T where I felt comfortable enough with her to share certain things. Then therapy with her stopped abruptly because she became ill.

After a couple of false starts, I eventually found another T I felt I could work with. It's only been 7 weeks so I know it's early days yet, but I'm feeling impatient to get to the point where I have the same level of comfortableness I had with ex-T. Except that I'm not sure I ever will. I don't want to have to go through another however-many-months it might take to reach that point again, but I also know I don't feel able to just dive straight in before I'm ready.

I considered quitting therapy altogether, but this is not a good time of year to go it alone and feel I need her support to at least get through the next few months.

Part of the problem is that at the moment, no one is going to match up to ex-T. I know there probably will be someone else who does in time, it might even be current T, but my head and my heart isn't there yet. I've thought about talking this through with current T. She said she's happy for me to try and process the loss of ex-T with her. So what's stopping me?

It just doesn't feel right to be telling current T how great I thought ex-T was and how much I miss her. I'm also rather embarrassed as there's obviously some kind of transference for ex-T going on, and feelings for my therapist isn't what I originally went into therapy to deal with. I like current T as a person, but I don't feel any connection with her. That in theory should make it easier to just dive in and get the therapy done, but ironically I have to feel a bit attached in order to get to that stage.

Should I say some of it / all of it / none of it to current T? If anyone has any insight or advice they'd be willing to share, I'd appreciate it, because all this is doing my head in.

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