I am going through the same thing as well. I was not attached to my old T and he actually annoyed me quite a bit but I did see him twice a week for 5 years for trauma issues. He was a constant in my life who pushed me even when I didn't want it and it ended abruptly with no notice or closure due to a medical issue.

I think the sudden end with hust a voicemail and email with references is what hit me the most. Pretty much a shock.

My trauma history is extensive and the thought of starting over with someone new us so daunting. I can't even get my a letter with records from old T to give to the new one. I went to my first appt and it was like I was in a dream. I don't know where to even start nor do I want to. I too would rather just go it alone but I also know that is not going to work either. It is just a sucky situation. No one's fault but still we are the ones who are suffering the consequences.

Don't really know what to tell you.