Hello and thank you @Soup de jour and @Fuzzybear for the kind words. I really mean it! Yes, that’s the correct name of the substance of Ergenyl. Sorry that I forgot to mention it but you knew exactly what that was. It’s an anti epileptic-medicine but can be used as this too.

I’m glad that you found the White Noise too. And I admire you that you can listen more than one sound. I still cannot, after several years of using “Evening Marsh”.

I will reply you too while I still will write my diary and some update of today - so I don’t write twice. Last night I notice that I couldn’t and wouldn’t fell asleep just like that. I have learned myself this to notice in time before I even try to be asleep. So, I took Zopiclone 7,5mg (1 pill). And prepared myself for bed. I put that sound on and try not to think in bed. At all. And some few moments the pill immediately took over and I got blacked out. But, unlike many other times, the last moment of my sleep in the morning today I noticed that I could remember few dreaming episodes. They were all short but I’ve remembered them. I test-drove a Porsche Cayman, that was six year old. Black. And I remembered that car that much as if I really drove it. I know how a Porsche Cayman looks like, but that car never was in my interest to drive at all. Like ever. Also, I will never have afford to get even an old Porsche from the 80s that no one wanted.[emoji28]

After this weird dream (it felt as minutes - and before that it was all black and empty), I went to work. The students did their Lucia-play, everyone was so nice dressed. There was little Santa’s, Gingerbreads, some Lucias too and so on. And they sang so wonderful in front of other students and the staff. There are small children and they were so wonderful!

But later on the day was difficult. There was meetings, I had barely got a 30 min lunch-break. And after meetings planning and planning. It was pressure everywhere. I felt - incomplete. No matter what I’ll do there will always be that person who will be dissatisfied with what I do no matter how bad I try to do it.

Came home, exhausted. Feel pressure against my head now, as if I dived in the sea and suddenly got quick up. Too quick. Instead of being in decompression-chamber. Ate late. To normally fell asleep after this, hectic day? And this pressure I had last week and now that I’ll have this one too? I’m not sure about that. I’m not saying that Zopiclone is the solution every time, but when things get bit heavy then I can’t take any risks. My goal is now that tomorrow night I won’t take any.

Now, I need to release my pressure around the head and try to be positive. And go with the flow. At least try. Sadly, I have therapy in 22 December despite that I wanted to talk to someone now. If that six year old black Porsche Cayman will show up again in my dream - or what’s left of it - right before I wake up tomorrow? We will see…

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