I don't know if I'm actually grieving at this point, or if I'm even allowed to or am going to...

Last week another of my relatives died.

Great Uncle Ross died at the age of 90. So he had a long life... but I never really knew him.

Is it possible to grieve for those people in your family, and in your life, that you never really get to have a relationship with?

I have so many cousins, and other relatives, that I barely know. The size of my family and the fact that my family seems to be dysfunctional and distant on many levels seems to lead to this problem.

Take one of my deceased relatives as an example.

His name was Robert. He was born, and died about 19 years before I was even born.

He had the same disability as I do. That's why he died, because medically, the technology hadn't been created yet to allow him to live.

I never knew him, and nobody ever talks about him. Perhaps out of embarassment. I find it sad... I could have someone I have so much in common with, and he's dead.

So many of my relatives die nowadays, being as they're mostly in their 50s+.

I just find it sad, that I'm an emotional person and I don't feel anything for these almost unknown family members.

Whereas I'm an emotional wreck when other family members die... some of them furry, and four-legged.

I just don't understand this grief thing. I don't understand my emotional self. And now I'm rambling... so I shall end it.