Today I woke up early. I had somewhat good sleep even though my phone clocked that I was in bed from 22:02 to 6:20. However, I might not think that it really calculate the time itself that takes to fall asleep. Which can vary, from 30- and 40 mins up to 50-60 min.

The day? I rather pass the details, but it could’ve gone better. And there are many factors involved - not just me - without giving any specific details or info. But I also now know that some “colleagues” will never appreciate my work no matter what. Although it’s another story and don’t really fits here now.

I stayed - again - longer than I should. Came home just 30 min ago. Stayed and planned. Got contacted via phone from a health coordinator, and then I stayed to finish my planning’s for the next day. When I drove with the car through darkness and with music on, I’ve heard on our government owned SR P3 a song by Sam Cooke - A Change Is Gonna Come. It’s from the program “Musikhjälpen 2021” where some radio-hots and celebrities are locked 24/7 for 144h every December since it started in 2008. Literally. And people from Sweden and neighbouring countries can call and donate money to help with charity and global humanitarian assistance.

Suddenly, after I’ve heard Sam Cooke’s song, my chest didn’t burned anymore. I could breath easily and just leave everything behind. It was just me and Mr Cooke’s song, travelling by car in darkness. Not even with xenon headlamps. But still.

I then ordered a pizza, and now I’ll go for a walk. A long walk for 5 km. And I will listen at the best 1950s and 1960s music United States of America ever had in that golden era. That includes not only Sam Cooke but also The Penguins, Dion and The Belmonts, The Platters, The Marvelettes, The Drifters and many many more who are filled in a special section in my Spotify. My GOD America, so many great legends You have!

What my personal goal is with my life? My purpose? To visit America for the first time. I’m 37 and I have so many years ahead. And that’s my goal number 1. To see my favourite NHL-team playing, Chicago Blackhawks. To feel the audience, the atmosphere. Eat an American burger and hot dog. Get knowing and learn knowing some American people. But I was afraid to travel, because I have this thing. I was afraid of flying even though that I know I’ll fly straight to Miami or New York on night from Sweden so I can have this timing without jet-lag. I was afraid of that the jet-lag would had an very negative impact on me.

But I haven’t given up my dream and my goal. I still have it. And I know I would meet really nice people there. Maybe in 2023, when things get bit better with the Covid-19 and the new mutations. Perhaps then I’ll get some bravery and just go. For two or three weeks. Rent a cheap pre owned Crown Victoria and enjoy the highway (I’m a car-guy too). Visit places and just have a good time…

Tonight I’ll might have that stupid Zopiclone. I know it will help, but unfortunately it can also be addictive in wrong hands. That is why I’m using just one pill and strategically chosen nights. I’m glad that I don’t use alcohol and this is one of those pills that you cannot EVER use with alcohol. There are plenty of non alcohol beers and drinks to pick in every store, bar/pub, so stay healthy.

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