I couldn't handle the apathy and lack of motivation. That's the thing about schiz that annoys my soul. Before it started, I was really sensitive emotionally.

Anyways, I took a dose of phenibut and a microdose. I realize that psychedelics are VERY emotional. But my goal is to be productive..

But eventually, one day, I'll move to the island.. And I'll be with my family. I'll then work slowly on building independence - Because I can't do it all at once no matter how much I think that I can.

Then I'll take a psychedelic alone and go for a long walk at night through the city, while it is raining.

I never visited that friend that wanted to hang out with me, play games, smoke etc or something cuz I feel like I was born yesterday - I need to put the puzzle pieces of my mind together.

I watched a Russell Brand video about meditation. He is one of my main sources for corruption news - When people become spiritual, they become aware of what is really happening in the world.. I know that you can be a genius and still lack spirituality - We need both... and all vibrations of thought, feelings and awareness of the cosmos/consciousness to truly know what is real.

It works the same for schiz, the paranoia, especially delusion.. Antipsychotics dim the light. It's like finding a hiding place after you've been running instead turning the light on - And facing the demon. For me, I did it in a controlled way, both.. But no one will ever believe me - Cuz it's the mystery of my solipsistic mind.

On a dark solipsism note, if I kms, my cat would be left with my mom - Even though the whole world doesn't exist anymore and I'm in a different place. The cat will be with me in some sort of heaven (I hope) with my mom, family etc.. So it's both.

My cat is sleeping with me right now. She - And everything, is OK!