I want to find the strength to have a relationship with a family member who has been treated badly.

They can't help but ignore their own feelings and pass it on in the form of setting unreasonable expectations on others they care about. I say unreasonable because they miss important steps, as if they were never loved as they should and they don't understand how to love. Instead they replace it with trying twice as hard, which becomes forceful, and spiteful. They almost seem to sabotage their own relationships.

I've been hurt but keep coming back. I have to adjust my expectations.... but I run the risk of falling apart when I open up to them.

Therefore I need to be patient, but they never taught me to be patient, quite the opposite.