Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal
Why are nights so hard sometimes? I've been awake since about 3:45am my time and can't go back to sleep. My brain is in a constant loop of beating myself up for leaving Rascal in the first place, then for putting my son in that position (he was taking care of him for us) the guilt for both things keeps taking turns with a big hammer banging against my heart trying to completely break it. I don't know how to forgive myself. I'm sure my son will never forgive me either and that hurts even more than the rest. I keep telling myself that we didn't know how sick Rascal really was, the vet didn't even know, so how were we supposed to know? But it's not helping. I know there's no answers here.
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Artie, there is nothing for your son to forgive. Truly. I'm sure he loved Rascal, and he will miss him, but this wound will heal. He understands that you didn't say, "oh, it looks like Rascal is doing really poorly, let's skip town and leave Son to deal with it by himself." That being the case, there is nothing to forgive.
Even if there were some wrongdoing here, it is just not accurate to believe that your son "will never forgive you." You didn't stand up at his wedding and call his new wife a wh0re or drive drunk with his baby in the car or set his house on fire or do anything truly awful!!!
Like you say, you didn't know there was anything wrong with Rascal. You need to forgive yourself, because I'm sure Rascal is not holding a grudge against you or your husband now. He's at peace. And as someone else said, it may have eased the process for him. Give yourself some grace and remember all the good times you had with Rascal, and honor his memory.
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