Thanks LT and Mobius. I fell back asleep on the couch watching an old episode of the cosby show and just woke up again. I'm feeling better, made the decision before I fell back asleep that I'm forgiving myself and moving forward. Continuing to beat myself up isn't going to undo anything that's already happened except one thing: if I continue this guilt spiral, I'll start overeating again, and gain back all the weight I've lost since July. I can't, I won't, let that happen. You're right, my son is a smart man, he knows that we didn't do it on purpose and that sometimes **** just happens. We honestly would not have left, if Rascal had been acting any kind of weird. He ate normally the morning we left, was acting like his usual self, so we didn't even consider he could be on his last few days.