I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost our beloved Schnoodle about a year & a half ago now due to a combination of old age & kidney disease. We had him for 14 wonderful years. (He was estimated to have been 2 to 3 years old when we got him.) I still miss him every day.

You mentioned you've made a lot of progress with your depression. But incidents such as this sad loss cause you to fear you'll spiral back and so you feel as though you have to force yourself not to feel your emotions over the loss of your pet. I know how you feel about this. I've written several times here in the forums that I have to keep forcing myself to do what needs to be done day-to-day (as well as to look back as little as possible) because, if I ever allowed myself to let up, I'm afraid of where the bottom might be for me.

You wrote you know not allowing yourself to feel your emotions isn't healthy and you should feel these things. I'd certainly agree with that. And talking through what you're feeling with a trusted friend or family member (or a therapist) would, of course, be one way to process what you're feeling. (I doubt you need me to tell you that.) I do think, based on my own experience, simply having these emotions continue to arise and fade over-&-over in your thoughts isn't helpful. Yes, there is some truth to the old saying that time heals all wounds. But it can take a long time for that healing to occur if you simply continue to deal with what you're feeling alone. So I hope you will be able to find a way to share your grief with someone in real life. Plus, hopefully, writing here in the forums about what you're feeling can be of some benefit as well. My best wishes to you...