So in the past week, the ex? Wife? And I spoke on the phone for five hours through the course of a single day. All initiated by her. This happened after the Sunday event (listed above) when she came by to pick up her stuff and I had friends over as witnesses. Part of it was her dislike that I had people over acting as witnesses during this private time for her. I reminded her of what she did to me prior to TGiving and she backed down and apologized again.

5hours of talking about the relationship. She admitted to me that she misses the relationship from time to time. She is second guessing herself about the decision she made and if this is the biggest mistake of her life. She misses talking to me at length and having conversations. She said she wants a relationship with me but did not define what that relationship looks like. I told her and was quite explicit that I will not accept being “friend zoned”. She said, “You wont be friend zoned.” Ok, so this is all or nothing… (co-parenting vs relationship) I just listened, she needs to figure this out herself. Seems positive but its still a rollercoaster… Any given week is something new.

Last Monday this week, we got into a squabble and she made a scene about our conversation in front of the kids. I found it disrespectful to me and inappropriate in front of the kids. I called her out on it (via texting) after I left dropping one kid off. She became angry and tried to turn it around on me. I was not having it, I went after her with additional texts on how she refuses to apologize for her behavior in front of the kids and how disrespectful that was to me. She finally shut down and apologized. I followed up with a thank you, that was all I was looking for… This isn’t about who wins and loses, this is about right and wrong, what is decent and rude.

Since Monday… I emailed her on Tuesday, got a response back pretty quickly. She texted me on Wednesday, I responded pretty quickly. She called me on Thursday with a quick question to see if it was ok that she stop by the house to drop of meds for one of our kids. She would stay in the car and our kid could go out to get them. I said thank you for picking that up and its up to you… come up to the house if you want. This phone call could have easily been a text message letting me know, right? But she called (we believe) to see if I would pick up and then if she could gauge to see if I was still irritated from Monday’s fit. (I wasn’t, was nice and pleasant, not work holding grudges)

So what did she do?

She arrived to drop off the meds, walked up to the front door and my daughter answered it. They started talking, I got up in back of the house and walked into the kitchen whereby I passed through her line of sight (she saw me) from the front door and did NOT look at her or in her direction. Then I walked back after getting a drink and sitting down. After 5 minutes, she left and went home.

Support group thinks she came to the front door expecting me to answer it so we could see each other and possibly talk. That did not happen. Nor did we make eye contact. I gave her zero attention. So the support group was thinking a phone call would be in order now, but when?

I get a phone call later that night. Simple 5 minute call. Could have been a text message. But we talked about the kids and she asked a lot of questions to generate answers. After the call and the matter being settled, she followed up with a text message. I responded being nice and added a little joke… She followed up again with a text (within minutes) teasing me and joking around and calling me old. I did not respond. She followed up with another text (within 5 min) making sure I know that her text was a joke. I gave her a smiley face back. That was that for the night. hehe

So who knows… hot and cold… I am keeping the line of communication open. The more distant I become, the more frequent she starts contacting me. I put up a boundary of not answering the phone, sometimes not answering texts and she does NOT care for those. So she goes on a crusade and knocks them down like bowling pins. So we are back to communicating and I am not initiating. Only responding to her reaching out. Seems to be working.