I have since packed away my size 14's and now wear size 16s. I'm petite - 5'2" (really, 5' 1.5", but my doctors always record me as 5'2", which messes with my BMI and risk factors). I'm >35% BMI. I'm now about 190 to 195 pounds, give or take. I fluctuate between 180 and 198 pounds. My fluctuation has always happened this way. I'm always 10 pounds this way or that. It's never a consistent number, even if I'm not wearing anything on my own weighing scale. I might need a new scale.

Earlier this year, I was around 165. That's how much weight I've gained. I'm really sad.

I need to change my diet, but it is hard.

I have CFS/ME and other physiological disorders, so it makes exercise impossible. I can try to walk, but then I have mental disorders preventing even that - meaning, preventing my going outside. Still, I try to do what I can.

My goal for 2022 is to improve in small steps. That's what my T suggests, and that's also what my rec rehab T suggests.

I plan on reading three diet books - FODMAP (my primary care and former nutritionist and former GI specialist doc suggested), the Obesity Code (my former primary care suggested), and the Diabetes Code (to prevent diabetes since I'm prediabetic, though without the diagnosis because I'm just at the cusp of having high blood sugar and not enough for the diagnosis). I will see what my diet should look like when I combine all three.

There are ways to lose weight when exercise is not in the cards, but it is extremely difficult because it involves intermittent fasting and a strict lifestyle change. I'm not sure that I'm up for that challenge, but to initially lose the weight and then find a healthy balance of eating and living after that might work.

I don't know. People always lose weight then regain it, which is what the Obesity Code book discusses; it's why short-term weight loss with calorie counting and exercise only does so much before you regain it a few weeks to a few months later. It always happens, since weight gain has to do with metabolic disorder/dysfunction/disease, and since our adipose cells can only be shrunk and not decreased (we all have a set amount, and the processed foods we had and our mothers had since birth affects our genetics and metabolism), This is why obesity is managed like mental illness; it's not our fault. We can have metabolic disorders, including obesity, but remain thin because of our strict restrictions and/or exercise regimens, which is part of managing (but not always feasible as you age and become more disabled, etc.). This is why obesity itself is a disease. Even our hormones that don't detect fulness, or even our "addictions to food" are caused by certain metabolic disorders and possible hormone and neurological disorders, as opposed to individual choices and so-called will-power. The more we reduce stigma and responsibility on weight and instead see this as a disorder to be managed, the better we can manage it and see the seriousness in how we live - not based on dieting (the yo-yo thing) or calories, but rather based on what our bodies are intolerant of, what our bodies need, and what limitations we have.

Some can lose weight, some may need surgery, and some may not be able to lose weight at all. This obesity/metabolic disorder is the #1 risk factor apart from age for severe Covid-19 disease and death and long-Covid disabilities. Even for normal-weight persons, if they have a greater number of adipose cells, even though they've managed their weight and had weigh loss, they can still be at high-risk for severe Covid disease. It's similar to that of former smokers who are at risk for severe Covid-19, regardless if they've quit smoking or continue smoking, though the benefits of quitting smoking is much better than continuing. In a similar vein, our adipose cells may shrink during weight loss, but the amounts remain, which can still be conduits for Covid-19 to grow, sadly.

Our immune responses also are affected by both age and adipose cells. The fatter the adipose cells and/or even the greater the number of shrunk adipose cells during weight loss or weight management may still affect immunity, which then affects severe flu and/or severe Covid-19 diseases. As we age, it gets harder and harder to deal with immune functions and adipose cell maintenance. It's a fact we accept, and it's something that we can learn to live with by understanding our limitations apart from others without metabolic disorders (others with normal amounts of adipose cells who only gain weight but are never obese).

So, the more scientists, doctors, and the general public accept that obesity is a metabolic disease, the better we can actually manage it and destigmatize it from placing blame on individuals with such diseases.