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Dec 19, 2021, 06:06 AM
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Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,008
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Hey @Cardooney
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Originally Posted by Cardooney
He is not in therapy. He just checks in with a psych to continue pills once every six months? Year? It’s not often. He has said in the past that he doesn’t need it and that only I do (he knows that’s a lie), or he’s said he doesn’t have the capacity for it.
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I dont mean to seem preachy but you MUST insist he do therapy. I dont have legit stats but Im willing to say that 85-90% of people being treated with meds for mental health issues will not be able to maintain long term stability without therapy; and their ability to make real lasting changes-especially when they project onto their partner is drastically altered. Classic projection and blame- Its you not me behavior.
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He is easily triggered and often edgy. He distracts himself constantly. It must be uncomfortable. We had a couples session scheduled for today (first one) but he bowed out.
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What was his excuse and are you ok with this?
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He cleaned up his mess instead. 1700 lbs of junk to the dump. So I guess he did his own therapy that way.
I definitely will continue to be vexed. I’ve been telling him his behavior is annoying almost every day lately. I’m nice about it, if that makes sense. I just now said he is a brat. He didn’t disagree. He tries to dominate and control in ridiculous ways. It used to terrify me. Then I tried to stay strong and not play his game, just tell him what’s what and walk away. Still scary but helped. Lately, he just annoys me or his behavior infuriates me because his choices effect me, and he doesn’t seem to care.
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Again, not to be too blunt but you are the one who needs to change. What I mean is set boundaries with consequences and keep them. He bows out of couples counseling and cleans? Whats the consequence? I hear you saying all these things that are about you and how he makes you feel but it doesnt sound like he has any motivation to change. Why should he?
I come from a place of "we teach other people how to treat us" I dont mean that victims of abuse are at fault. I dont mean that mean people arent the problem. But tolerating behaviors that are selfish, unloving, mean, unproductive etc is teaching that mean person to continue acting that way. Tell me one time or person that has had a drastic shift in thinking without pain or consequence?
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President of the no F's given society.
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