I agree with @sarahsweets. My husband used to abuse and mistreat me, so I made him move out, we separated and I ALMOST divorced him. I had a lawyer, I was ready to complete the financial paperwork for a divorce, and he started individual therapy. We got back together eventually, he is still in therapy and we have couples therapy periodically. It's been 7 months since we've been back together and he's a completely changed man. Not saying this is common or would happen because it's not typical.

My point is, I agree with sarah that there has to be consequences and boundaries drawn. He will continue to mistreat you as long as you stay and as long as it is tolerated. It doesn't do any good simply to say that annoys me or that aggravates me. Your husband needs to be able to own up to his treatment of you, he needs to take 100% ownership and he won't unless he is confronted with it in treatment.

Group therapy is a good start, but he likely needs individual treatment, especially if he is borderline and needs lithium.

What also concerns me is when you say his controlling and domineering behaviors used to terrify you. In a healthy relationship, one should never feel scared of their spouse or partner. It's very concerning when you say it's still scary for you. It seems you've adapted to his maladaptive, unhealthy and abusive behavior and now tolerate it with no lines drawn.