I think most it's a codependent belief that like I just feel like I need someone to like guide or loneliness. When it comes to guys wanting to be even though deep down I want connection the way I feel about guys in general is they make me uncomfortable. It's really hard for me because sometimes I feel like I'm a contradiction the problem is I'm always in my head. I find it hard to be around people I either have no concentration and have to be repeated things. So honestly the way I dealt is online because if I have this deficit of attention I don't have to worry about people judging me. However it has made me lonely. Like on the outside there's all these people with opinions that I'm this and that which like I worry about. So I just felt there's no point because like everyone can see my flaws what is true friendship? I'm not sure I even had that