I can't sleep I've been thinking of my teacher that desire of him being with me. Sleeping next to me in bed. Like I just feel so weird like I don't want to feel this way I know he's a teacher I'm a student it would be wrong even if I am turning 26. I wish it wasn't like this. I wish I could tell him I mean even if I got rejected. Sometimes I just wish something would go my way but life has it plans I guess I gotta keep it in gods hands or whoever's hands it is. If there's a way that maybe it's meant to be or he feels the same I won't have to worry. Anyway I feel so sad that I feel this way, and like honestly I didn't understand it when I first started getting butterflies everytime I saw him I thought it was OCD. I was fearing that I was getting a new obsession but I don't think it's OCD because I go on with my life and I'm fine but I never thought, I'd have these romantic feelings. It's also makes me think that all the other relationships I had in the past wasn't true love because this is a completely foreign feeling..it's not based on neediness I don't feel like I need him, I feel like I want him pure and simple. It's just a bit hard to process to be honest. Just realizing that everything I had is completely upside down just makes me realize that like I wasn't as aware of myself as I am now. I guess thats a good thing that I'm more aware. I I just hope that this feeling is longing in my heart stops being so painful because I truly just want to tell him the truth even though it's freaking scary. I just can't look at him knowing that I have this itchy feeling the way I pretend to hate him but I had to do that. If I pretended I hated him I wouldn't have to face the truth and that's what hard. So I have to say that feelings do suck sometimes.