Tomorrow my husband and I set out for my sister-in-law's. We'll be there for several days. I'm kinda sorta looking forward to it, but at the same time dreading his family wondering why my Czech has progressed so little. They will ask about it. I will feel "tested" and will know I fell short. Really, though, it's my issue and struggle. I'm trying to be kind to myself about it, but can't fully explain it...to anyone, including myself.

Tonight we'll go for a drink at our landlady's house. She invited us when Hubby was asking when we should go to give her the rent money for the month. The invite is friendly, so I should appreciate that. And yet, I wish we didn't have to stay more than a few minutes. Or just Hubby go. These past couple of weeks have been tiring for me. I yearned for a break before the family visit.

I sent my old psychiatrist (American one) a holiday greeting email today. I had been putting it off because I have little to say. I said as much, but wished him well. Deep down I don't want to completely break from him. Plus, I am wondering if he will EVER send me my last bill for co-pays. He was an out-of-network psychiatrist. He handled payments differently, submitting bills to my old insurance provider and then billing me for the remainder. He was always long overdue sending me the bills. He'd send them only once per year (or less) sometimes. That would mean the bill was over $3,000. It's hard to have to part with the money in a huge chunk. I'd rather pay lesser amounts more frequently. However, I haven't been billed since August 2020. My last online appointment with him was in May 2021. Yes, that long ago. Frankly, I think he'll never bill me. I had bugged him about it many times, but to no avail. My husband finally told me "He's not a child! Stop bugging him!" So, I stopped. Once, a long time ago in the past, I literally yelled at my psychiatrist "DON'T YOU WANT MY MONEY!?!?" It's all so strange. Frankly, I wish I had some kind of true closure on the relationship. Not having it hurts me, as it was a case of transference love.