Today went well. I told her that I had slept normally and I didnt take anything extra for sleep, and I didnt have any caffeine yet I was exhausted and very anxious yet it just didnt add up. I also told her I felt like I had done something really bad last night even though I didnt and I felt like I wasnt me. She asked if I ever blacked out before and I mentioned one time having deperesonalization and then after that we did some guided imagery. She asked what my thoughts were when we were doing it and I admitted that I thought of my transfernce T and that if she was the one doing this with me I would have "flooded my basement." My T didnt quite get it and I dont think she really appreciated the term once I explained it. But then we talked about my transference T and how I've been doing better with her but that I still have my moments. She said ending things with her seemed like the right thing to do even if I had to deal with all those feelings after and then having to deal with the 2 therapists that I met with after my transfernce T that didnt work out. She asked if I felt abandoned by my transfernce T because of the IOP thing last Christmas. I said cut off was more like it. My current T said it sounded like I was getting support last Christmas just not the suppport I wanted. She told me I just wanted my transfernce T's support.

But it was a pretty deep session for it only being 10AM. And I feel better now.