It's a hiccup and besides, you can't "go back" like that, lose what you have. Life and everything moves forward no matter what and though things may feel like they were before they never are; you had the husband before and you can't take back the good work you did with that situation.

One thing that struck me that I had happen too; you couldn't just end it all because you had to go to work What kind of "excuse" is that? A darn good one. If you go to work to keep from killing yourself, you're probably not going to kill yourself? The feeling/sense of being at the bottom of your tub and wanting to end it all is just a message to yourself that you're really stressed. It sounds to me like you could use a therapist for a bit, some human support for awhile?

What are you doing for you? The bookkeeping? Not terribly fun. Find something to do that you want to do (now that daughter is graduating and the kids are getting older and don't need quite as much care (don't think your son will glue anything he shouldn't be gluing for awhile?)) take up country western dancing or something :-) Meet some other people to talk to/complain with, etc.? Other people can make a lot of difference if you let them.