Thank you. Today has been tough, went to work (what the hell was I thinking) and though my colleagues were really happy to see me and took me out for a meal, I had sensory overload. I think I hid it well, but when I got home, I was vomiting and became paranoid that I did in fact have covid after all.

Did another test, and still negative. I think my system must have started to shut down and I went through faux symptoms.

Was pretty much abandoned by outpatient crisis who refused to take me on because I'd come from a covid ward. I'd contacted my psychiatric nurse and she hit the roof over the situation... called me back after she must have complained, to say the crisis team "had had a misunderstanding" and that they will be in contact with me later today (it's 1 am here now). This was after I'd been contacted by an ECT nurse and I broke down saying that I was seriously considering suicide and that on my last day on the ward I'd made an attempt which was stopped by a ward member of staff... she was really supportive and stayed on the phone with me to talk me down.

I've just been a total mess, Sadie (our dog) didn't leave my side this evening till I started coming round, then kept coming upstairs to check on me... it amazes me how perceptive some pets can be.

I'm to have my next ECT session on new years eve.

Sorry if this post seems disjointed.