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eskielover · Dec 23, 2021, 07:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cardooney

Yes this is what I’m thinking—it will take a lot of time to become natural and a lot of discipline and effort in the meantime.

He said I’ll have to learn to trust him, or relearn, which didn’t sound right to me. I am trusting of my family to a fault (I now fully realize). I need to learn to trust myself. He would be more honest saying he has to make permanent different choices and have a new code of conduct so he can be trustworthy and reliable not just when he feels like it but always. even when he isn’t outright lying, he is often lying to himself.

I said during counseling that he has done a lot of damage that will take time to repair me that I pretty much ignored him for the last year and that he stop being mean first step. He wasn’t able to own being mean, or seemed shocked by it.

Self-awareness (MINDFULNESS in DBT) is probably the hardest section of the 4. My psychologist put it in between every section because it is the skill most needed even for the other sections.

I left my husband 14 years ago. Told him when I left that I would KNOW when or if he changed. His issues were the inability to communicate & was financially irresponsible. He couldn't grasp how I could do that from 2100 miles away. Duh!!!! He would start communicating. Anyway I am divorced now & the DBT really helped me sort through ALL the dysfunction I lived with all my life & learn skills to live a functional life now (I have never been more happy)

I never trust anyone until they have proved they can be trusted..but only family I have is my daughter who lives across the country..but I have found trustworthy friends. I have found that if something doesn't sound right, it most likely isn't & that red flag tells me....don't trust. Life is a learning process that really never ends which is really what makes it interesting (at least for me)