I had a very good day today…until now. I seriously don’t know what’s happened. I was fine, I made dinner, I made cookies with my son, I watched a couple of Christmas movies with my boys. And as soon as I got into bed I feel



It’s SO strong, like physical need, I don’t want to, I HAVE to. Like something’s gonna snap in my brain if I don’t. I keep telling myself 20 years is long enough, 20 years is long enough, over and over and over. It’s the only thing stopping me. I’m not even sure it will stop me tonight.

I need to do grounding I guess, and fast because I’m starting to panic. It’s unfortunate that one of my main grounding skills is aromatherapy because I still can’t smell.

I’m listening to a list of songs that are NOT depressing because that would make everything worse. I think I’m gonna grab an ice pack or something. Some paced breathing.

I mean out of nowhere, like a bag of sand right to the stomach. I just don’t get it. I’d wake up RS but he went to bed so tired I feel bad.

I’m gonna get my weighted unicorn and an ice pack. I’ll be ok until morning. I just hate this feeling.