I always saw her as someone from whom I shouldn't expect a lot. For years, she really didn't meet my definition of a true friend. Then I decided to expand my concept of what constitutes friendship. I decided to accept that there are degrees of friendship and that the limited ones have value.

What may have gotten out of kilter was the amount of time and attention I was giving to this person, relative to what I was getting out of knowing her. It was excessive. It did feel, at times, like she was draining me. Phone conversations were frequent and long. I was always the one to bring the conversation to a close. She was constantly checking in with me, as if we were the best of "besties," which didn't feel real.

Possibly I'm the one who was being kind of phoney, in not setting limits more consistently. I would put that down to my history of being a loner with not a whole lot of social experience. I let myself get over-involved with someone whom I never deeply trusted.