I don't know if I can really respond to this in any way that will be helpful. But I thought I would offer what I could. You wrote you're reaching the end of your life. I'm 73. I don't know as I'm nearing the end of my life yet. But clearly there's a lot more of it behind me than there is ahead of me.

I'm married and have been for 40 years. (My wife's accomplishment, not mine.) My wife truly cares about me and loves me. However as far as accepting me "for who I truly am" goes... well... even after 40 years she still doesn't know who I truly am. (My own fault to a substantial degree.) But I also sincerely believe she doesn't want to know. (She did become exposed, several years ago, to just the tip of the iceberg as the saying goes. I'll spare you the details.) But she clearly did not want to delve deeper and the subject matter has been "don't ask / don't tell" since that time. So as such I strive, to as great a degree as I can, to conform to the image she prefers to maintain of me.

In my case being married and having a wife who truly loves and cares for me is, on the one hand, a great and warm comfort as well as a sense of security. But on the other it is also a straitjacket albeit one I have (sometimes grudgingly) accepted of my own free will. I don't know if that's the way it is in other married couples' relationships. But I do suspect that it is this way perhaps to a lesser degree. One yields portions of oneself (to a greater or lesser degree) in exchange for the security, warmth and caring one receives from their partner as well as that which they provide to their partner. It's sort-of like two separate pieces are molded and shaped so as to fit together, if that makes any sense. And I suspect this is perhaps part of the reason so many marriages fail because one or both of the partners in the relationship decide they either cannot or choose not to accept the molding and shaping that is required in order for the relationship to continue. I don't know. That's just my own off-handed thought on the subject.

So I think that's what I can say in response to your post. Hopefully there was at least some tidbit in it that was of some small value. My best wishes to you.