@Deilla - I'm so sorry your family did that. My family did that to me many years, too. Before the pandemic, I would ask if I could hang with them for either Thanksgiving or Christmas, but they said no. My extended family (whom I didn't grow up with) would invite me, but I was feeling really down because I wanted to spend time with my mom and sister and others. It hurt after being rejected many years, so I just never bothered to ask again. I just succumbed to staying home alone.

I tried to attend a Thanksgiving dinner with a friend once, but I felt really awkward being with someone else's family, and I felt even worse because I wanted to be with my mom and the family I grew up with. I learned to just stay home and kindly not accept the invite after that.

I've never spent Christmas with anyone; I've always been alone.

I also get triggered from things I don't know.

You're not alone, but I can see that you're really upset about that.

Don't let the way your family treats you define you though; you are worthy of being accepted, invited, lovable, likable, etc. I put myself down a lot over the years, but I've learned to use the affirmations coping, even if I also have to vent and feel really sad and angry and all. I'll still find some way to circle back, but it's really hard to do.

I freaked out yesterday, so I had to spend time away from the computer. I think I'm okay now, but I have to sleep soon.