I can totally identify with you.

My parents were very controlling. I think now that perhaps they suffered from some form of mental illness. But after decades of being controlled I became sort of brainwashed into thinking that this was normal and healthy. It took me a long time to realize that it is not very healthy. I have become less brainwashed over the years although I would not say that I have ever become completely free of it. Every day is a challenge.

I am very sorry that you are in the situation you describe. I think it is heartbreaking. I wish I knew what to say that would help. I do think that you are very heroic to be trying to transcend the unhappy things in your past and present. That is very, very admirable.