You have a lot that you are bottling up, hey at least you told someone about it, we are not here to judge you. I have heard of the things you described before, please don't be afraid of the doctor, they are there to help and if they blow it off, you are totally seeing the wrong doc. I was a little nervous to confront my doctor about my anxiety, before I was treated for it, I called the doc and a front desk girl answered, and i told her all i wanted was a refill on my xanax, and she said "okay the doctor isnt going to keep treating you with xanax, you need to make an appointment so you can get this under control". I was afraid, but releived knowing she said she had someone else she was treating going through something very similar.