It's an expected adjustment though, I suppose, getting used to not having you at all anymore in the physical world. I know that I will always have this version of you in my heart and I 'check in' with her pretty often.


And now I begin to wonder... do you miss me at all? Even a little teeny tiny bit? Or were you so frustrated with me by the end that you're rejuvenated at just being rid of me, and I ceased to exist for you as soon as you dismantled my final sand tray on 12/17?

I guess I kinda got thrown for a little loop yesterday, with my son getting COVID. I'm doing okay now with it now, especially since he said he's not feeling too awful, and I was able to go get some groceries for them and drop them off at their house earlier today. It made me feel good being able to take care of my 'baby' again.


And admittedly? It's almost a relief, in a twisted sort of way, that it has now reached my little family. You know what I mean? Like, ever since the whole COVID mess started I've been feeling like it's been getting closer and closer and closer to affecting my little family and knowing it was inevitable but being scared of it affecting us and wishing it would just get it over with already at the same time because I couldn't stand the prolonged, heightened, fear/awareness/etc of knowing it was coming for THIS long. I don't know if I am making sense. I should just stop typing here.