I had to reread this thread and the other thread started by the OP (Folding).

I think Folding just wanted information on continuity of care in a different thread, and perhaps comfort regarding not seeing his T in this thread. I think I misread some things.

First, it's sad when people, including T's, are dealing with traumatic grief-and-loss issues. It does affect everyone's lives and work. They do need time for bereavement.

That said, 3 months is an extremely long time, and for a T to go MIA for an entire month is not good.

It's easy to have feelings and concerns for your T, to be worried for your T, especially if you have a strong rapport with your T and bonded in psychotherapy. But given that bond, there comes responsibility, such as discussions about what would happen if something happened to your T, etc. My T in the USA spoke to me about this. She kept me in connection with another T, who checks in with me monthly. I'm a veteran, so I have a lot of support from multiple providers, so I'm kind of privileged in that way. I have other T's at the Vet Center, for instance, if anything were to happen with my T, who retired from the Vet Center but sees clients in her own private practice. She accepts Medicare, so I pay my copays now. She was free at the Vet Center, but I wanted to stick with her as my T. So we worked things out.

I think your T should have said instead that she was sorry she thought she could see you, but then had to cancel and couldn't really inform all her clients. She could have apologized for having you wait for her, when she never was able to schedule an appointment. She shouldn't have left you hanging with the "maybe in three months she'll see you" thing. That's leading you on, in a way. Most T's would use their own psychological knowledge and manage their life in a manner they would tell a grieving client in that situation. Most T's would be trained to instead just let you know that some personal issues have come up and that they can't really know when they'll see you again, but for you to find a new T. Most T's would have asked their colleagues at the institution they worked at for assistance if they were struggling with a death in the family and couldn't find the strength to call all of their own clients. That could have been another approach, if your T is really having a mental breakdown and can't even face her own clients to refer them to a different T.

And although we care about our T's, the goal of therapy is for the T to help you and focus on your problems. It's nice that the T included you in the details of what was going on with her, but I don't know if she knew you well enough to realize that you would then put her problems above yours. That's what you would probably do for family or friends, but not a therapeutic relationship. You or your insurance are paying for a service, and no matter what is going on, you deserve to have that service for your mental health. It shouldn't be spent on worrying about your T, even though that happens in relationships when you care for someone - even the postal guy who delivers your mail. But it doesn't mean that you should go without mail for weeks on end because you care about the postal guy. It just means the post office should find a replacement to have continuity of care over your mail. It's a service that is paid for through postage, and it's supposed to get to you, etc.

In a similar vein, therapists need to provide continuity of care. If they refer you to someone, they should do so mindfully and professionally. If they can't even do that, then at least one of their colleagues should do that. It's sad when they all seemed to have dropped the ball.

How is your mental health? Are you okay with finding a new T on your own? Do you care about your T, and do you really want your T to work with you when she comes back in 3 months? Are you worried your T won't come back in 3 months? --These are the questions I should have asked in my first reply. I basically assumed things, but I don't know much about your relationship with your T. It just seems you really care and also need help in therapy.