I see, this is a different situation. I didn’t realize you are the poster with “that” wife. She is something else. So normal advice doesn’t apply here.

Perhaps I’d not be saying “I “know “you feel this or that. I “know” you are hurt”. Maybe you can try to mirror her. Like if she says “I hurt”, then you comment on it. If she doesn’t, then I’d not be saying anything. Less is more in my opinion. My husband in attempts to help sometimes went on and on and it wasn’t helpful.

Well loud anger is a no no. And she should be working on her own papers. Overall I don’t think it matters what you or don’t do. She’d find something to complain about.