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What are you supposed to do?
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I don't know about 'supposed to' but I would not say anything back.
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What does that even mean?
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It doesn't 'mean' anything apart from highlighting how much pain they are in. Drawing attention to (in the example you gave) being excluded is painful. Sometimes, it can trigger shame for them. Hence, they may 'lash out' rather than feel the pain of this loss or grief or exclusion.