Tonight, L, the way I am feeling, how I am missing the 'us' that I used to feel like we were... tonight is when I really wish you had said yes to writing the letter I asked you for. Why did you have to say no? Even a couple of sentences of encouragement would have been enough. But you said it was "too much pressure". I really didn't think it was asking too much, not after 10 years of doing this work together, I really thought in my secret heart that you would agree. I'm missing fantasy-you, the you that I thought I knew, the you that never existed.


And... it kinda sucks.