I was highly triggered by many things these past few days, beginning with Christmas. I wasn't expecting that to happen to me. I've been anxious, angry, depressed, and just mixed with emotions. I changed some of my settings on here, and then I had to change them back. I think I made some mistakes with the settings, too.

Anyway, I think I fixed it all.

I've been dissociating a lot, but I'm managing better.

I saw my T on Monday this week, and we both wished one another a Happy New Year.

I will see my T again next year/week at our regular schedule (twice per week). I was grateful and lucky that she even scheduled once per week this week with me. She normally takes time off around these times and in the summertime. But this pandemic has us all more homebound than we'd like. Anyways, the schedule changes around the holidays are really tough for me. I think I don't deal well with change, even though my own routine in life hasn't been consistent. My sleep schedule is way off all the time, and I am only consistent for about a few weeks before my circadian rhythms get off again and then it takes me about a month to get back on track. This is more than insomnia and my mild sleep apnea issues - both diagnosed at the VA back in 2017. I can't do the CPAP machines at all, and they recalled them anyway. This is like a circadian rhythm problem that hasn't yet been diagnosed. That would require more than one day at the sleep study center at the VA, which I don't trust during a pandemic.

I need to go back and subscribe to all the threads I used to be subscribed to, since I accidentally deleted all of my subscriptions to clear them out, and so now I'm screwed because I don't know who responded to me unless they tag me. LOL. I'm a hot mess.