Quote:
Originally Posted by darkfeary
I am soooo hopeless. I used to be attractive but now I am 48, all alone, no friends even, no job, no money, old and fat at 200 lbs. I have no life whatsoever. So sad that my best days are gone. I really want a good relationship so badly because I have only been with awful abusers but now I feel too ugly and unworthy for any guy to like me now. I feel absolutely hideous in my body with my ugly skin with stretch marks, scars, and sagging skin. Geez, I can go on for pages and pages about all my flaws.
I see only a bleak miserable future.
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You sound like a part of myself. I'm 47, nearly 200 (about 185 to 195, depending), 35% BMI, only 5'2", and disabled with no job, no career, a tainted reputation, few friends (though I will say that I do have some friends that date back to over 20 years ago, and others that date back to 10 years ago), and perpetual loneliness (I live alone, was never married, and was never in any serious relationship).
And even though I've felt many similar things as you, I do see others with disabilities, with obesity, and with many other flaws have a happy marriage with a significant other (regardless of orientation). I think it's a matter of whether you are actively seeking to find a relationship or not. For me, I'm not actively seeking. I'm also strange in that I'm somewhat gray asexual, due to my traumas, and I'm now freaking out over all things pandemic, which makes social closeness impossible amid these social distancing recommendations. Nevertheless, I fantasize about getting married late in life now - perhaps when I surpass the raging menopause days. I'd hate to start a relationship now, only to turn into a monster with menopause after. I don't meant to offend anyone, but that's one of my true fears of menopause, apart from growing hair in strange places.
But if you truly want to find a partner, you can still. Don't give up.
