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raging vortex - I'm so sorry you are struggling with Christmas. I was triggered on Christmas Day for some reason, so I wasn't online. But I'm barely catching up to reading all the back-posts.
If I knew you in real life, I'd so get you the box set of voltron.
I remember being poor and homeless around Christmastime in 2015, my final semester in college. I don't know how I managed to graduate with straight A's, but I did. I slept in the airport, crashed on couches, slept in the library, etc. I also showered in the gym. It was brutal, but I did it.
I had no money for anything other than meals to get me by and school stuff.
Thankfully, I'm doing much better today.
I was in that place where everyone was going out and being with friends or loved ones, and I was homeless, poor, and alone. I truly didn't know how to deal with being around people when I felt so ashamed.
I don't know what you're struggling with, but I can feel the pain in your words.
Please know that we care here.
(((safe hugs)))