This has been an interesting year.

I have stopped doing certain things. I've let the chips fall where they may at times. I've pointed out that she can't be angry about mutually exclusive things (we don't have enough money, I'm working too much, we don't have enough one on one time together, kids are struggling with school, and I'm doing too much homework with them).

She heard me on that. She has told me she has been at the end of her rope and wanting to just.... Not exist anymore, sometimes for years at a time. Because of that, whatever stressor was in the moment became an issue.

Things are changing. Me beginning anxiety meds made a difference, because I just quit worrying as much about getting everything right.

I'm OK with constructive criticism.... I hear what people are saying here. I was too blunt with things I said to her when I voiced concern this week about how she was doing.

The other thing is also true; I can express emotion or empathy, and get questioned why am I saying or feeling those things ("Why are you saying that? Why are you worried about me?) If I elaborate why, then I may receive some anger for saying something that is hurtful. ("Why would you even say that/ Why would you even point out that stuff? Don't feel sorry for me.")

If I say nothing I may be regarded as "not getting it" or not seeing all she is going through.

This IS happening less. I am accepting less of this behavior. This is improving. I am hopeful it will improve further.

She's a good person. She is a deeply empathetic person. She also meets the criteria for a highly sensitive person, and struggles with depression. A person can have depression, and also have it exacerbated greatly by things outside their control. She has been hurt by things outside her control as well.

I get things wrong. I say the wrong thing. I have put up pretty strong boundaries at times. I know I've done things that caused problems between us.

Thanks for the support. Honestly, your validation this past year or more has helped me develop enough self esteem to put up some boundaries. What I don't want is to blame her for everything either. I want to have faith that she is trying.