Today was a different day. I woke up early after I dreamt something. Took my pill as always - the 300mg Ergenyl. Ate breakfast. Took a cup coffee. I’m extra glad today since I haven’t used Zopiclone for weeks. That’s right, weeks! I sleep good, my sleeping is good too. I don’t get panic attacks either. It is still somewhat difficult to fall asleep since I have silly tendency to worry about stuff. Stuff that might for any other be silly or ridiculous. But also stuff regarding my work, how will it be when I return after the break and so on.

So I do all my best to cheer me up and be bright. To remove all those bad thoughts, thoughts that I had yesterday or the day before. Thoughts about fear and how people will see me having this disorder. That fear which I had since the day I got this as diagnosis. People who see for example celebrities having bipolar as a part of the standard in our society but seeing other ordinary people is not. Exactly how many sees this or that way, I would probably never know since few people know about my diagnosis. And I won’t go and reveal it on social media to all of my friends and relatives.

But what I do know is that I’m always helpful and helping others. Big or small, no matter what favour - I’ll do that. Like my parents driveway, yesterday. Just took the shovel, took away and scratched away all snow during that new one constantly fell. It took me almost 2h. My back hurt but wow. That work and that exercise! So I did it today to, and helped them. Scratched away snow till the tarmac itself. And I was just as yesterday - sweaty as hell. Finally all that negative sweat went all out of my body. At last.

What to do furthermore? Be positive! So I’ll name at least three positive things that I did every day for myself. And try not to moan and groan that much. Try to enjoy the life and every moment of it - no matter what I do. Because life is truly short. So dear reader, have faith you too. And I hope I didn’t scared you away by now. If I did, I apologise. But life has it’s downs too, not always ups. Now I’m seeing my favourite tv-series and enjoy all that effort I did yesterday and especially today. And how thankful my parents were to see an tidy and cleaned driveway - all the way to the door. My hands got fully exercise too, and I feel it just as I type this message. Working class hands - as they always was and as they always will be.

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