Someone once told me that gratitude isn't necessarily about looking for the silver lining in a situation (.e well I've got no legs but at least I've got my arms) but looking for what is still good when things are awful. It isn't trying to talk oneself out of feeling bad but looking for the aspects of our lives that work. There's a subtle difference, at least for me, and it has helped me focus more on gratitude without trying to minimise the pain and loss.