Let’s all hope and pray my flight doesn’t get canceled for a second time. My mom is neurotic and she just keeps saying “it’s going to be canceled, it’s going to get canceled.” I really don’t need that negative thinking or BS in my life right now. I just want to go home. I am scheduled to leave tomorrow morning.

Things are going awful. First and foremost, my brothers personality is coming out more and more to the extent that I realize that we are very different people. It’s alarming in a lot of ways to me and I just want to be gone. Last night we went to a church event and during one of the skits a man got hurt. To what extent I’m not sure, but he is going to have to have surgery. He did a backflip off the sanctuary and landed wrong. I was more appalled at the fact that when he’s writhing in pain and screaming call an ambulance, the first thing the breaker does is push everyone away and say let us pray”I was more appalled at the fact that when he’s writhing in pain and screaming call an ambulance, the first thing the breaker does is push everyone away and say “ let us pray” instead of trying to actively help the man. To be fair to the preacher— I’m sure he knew someone was calling an ambulance … but it rubbed me the wrong way.

I also did not like being herded it into a room and then having the door blocked by people so I couldn’t get out. (Their intention was to not traumatize then children or others anymore than they were…). But anyway, as we were leaving all the way home my brother and mom talked about it. Every gruesome detail. Everyone processes trauma differently and that’s fine, but I don’t think my brothers kids particularly wanted to talk about it or hear anymore about it. I know I certainly didn’t.

After the car ride and being home the conversation turned into gun violence and crime, of which I have past traumas that pertain to those things. One of the kids looked uncomfortable, I requested three times to change the subject to no avail. I fell into a trap and made a comment an opposite position to get filleted. I asked one more time if we could change the convo, to be ignored again. I just left the table.

I celebrated the new year in my room, I went to sleep. I’m really quite frustrated with that scenario today. There’s nothing I can do about it, and the only person I can control is me. I did what I had to do for me, and I left. By this time, I was not being barred into a room, I was not being forced to listen to it by sitting in the car, so I did what I had to and I left.

This church already had a lots of strikes against them in my book. The whole night was chaos and confusion and the skit was dangerous. Let me just put it this way— who approved a sermon with a demonstration using mentos and diet Coke in the sanctuary? …. I’m just saying. It rubbed me wrong.

As resentful as I feel today; I’m glad I did what I did for me. I don’t like sitting around with learned helplessness. I hope my brother’s kids are ok. They were just as uncomfortable as I was. They stayed around.

Nothing more to report.

EDIT: the man broke both his kneecaps.