I can relate to much of this; I do try and connect, but it’s difficult and like you, I feel I’m the one at fault, for not being close to either of my parents as I would have wished. I think this is something the emotional neglect makes you feel, however. It was up to your parents to help meet those needs, up to a certain point in your development at least.
They might have had their own issues that prevented that happening, but nevertheless, they were supposed to be the ‘responsible’ ones in your life. You have to basically give yourself things they didn’t, as an adult. But the good thing is that you recognise the issue. Many don’t get that eureka moment.
I actually am moving out soon, which is something my counsellor started encouraging me to do, early on. I was resistant at first, but now I’m coming out of ‘the fog’ more, I’m glad I found somewhere else to go.
As for being lonely, is there anywhere you can connect with like minded people (I get covid might hamper that)?