Listening to Iron Maiden every time my step dad was driving.. It was an experience. I was so horribly alone and had nothing. He said "If I win the lottery, we will will buy a nice boat and fish for the rest of our lives". I didn't want that. If he won the lottery and that happened, I would be tortured. I knew it. The rest of my life with that narcissistic, sociopathic bastard was the least favourable thing I wanted. Anything to escape, to do drugs, suicide, anything. It was pure dread - The only reality that I knew of. Hell.

Few years later, he won the lottery.. ****.. I blocked communication. After reading the book, "Finding meaning in life" or w/e, I was triggered by the concentration camps.. I posted a picture of a concentration camp with the name, "**** you" and sent him a message on the fishing website that he was a professional in quickly. He had his dream, without me - Because that's what I wanted. To be free.

The song "Wasting Love" by Iron Maiden.. I listened to it, driving through the prairies, farm land.. Hours and hours of driving. I never listened to the lyrics. But he ****ed me up massively. I'll be able to express how screwed up it was, one day.

But I have nostalgia. Nostalgia doesn't care about the context. It just is. I was so alone, all because I was afraid.

This is the song;



I didn't listen to the lyrics back then - Just the sound.

"Maybe one day I'll be an honest man
Up 'til now I'm doing the best I can
Long roads, long days of sunrise to sunset
Sunrise to sunset

Spend your days full of emptiness
Spend your years full of loneliness
Wasting love in a desperate caress
Rolling shadows of night

In your eyes I see the hunger and the
Desperate cry that tears the night"