I miss transference T quite a bit today. I guess maybe because I was snooping on her facebook last night. I swear I just self sabtoage for reasons I don't understand. In a month and 23 days it will be one year since our last session. Today I ate a pack of European chocolate smarties to help deal with these demons. Last therapy session with my current T I didn't mention my transfernce T at all. But for reasons I don't know remote is more productive and deeper then in person. And my transference T said that our remote sessions were deeper too. I dont mind doing them when I have to but I dont want to do it all the time.

But yeah I miss transfernce T today and I'm not giving much of a thought to my current T. Not in a bad way I am just not needy with her and I don't want her attention outside of sessions. I have noticed some good things from my surgery regarding my hormones and I don't have a crush on her even with my change in dose.

I just still have no clue why I can't get over my transfernce T and 3 therapists havent been able to help me yet either.