It helped to write that. I'm feeling better cuz of the substances. I'll get through this - There's nothing people can do to help. I have to help myself - I know WAY too much about reality. I am extremely in touch with trauma after my trip - It's a blessing and a curse. I could die. I haven't decided if I want to kms or not - And I've been contemplating it for months. If something happens in life that gives me hope, I would be able to make that decision. But my parents are drunks - They love me. But I have so much trauma. I have PTSD.