I'm freaked out by reality. My dad says that he wants to take me to a ***** house to get "laid". I was OK with it in the past when I wasn't on so much antipsychotics. I was actually living. Now I'm traumatized from my bad trip. I don't even know my sexuality either. I identify with bisexual/asexual but I'm really just hyposexual. I'm handicapped - I got abused for it by the people in the video chat. I told them that my mom had breast cancer and he said that I don't want sex because my mom "Is a *****". I did have a bad reaction to my parents having sex when I was a kid. My mom would read me a story and I knew she was rushing it so she could have sex.. What positivity do I need when it's all a lie.. Everything seems to just be about sex, shallow, stupid. I have some pretty out-there thoughts that regular people don't have - I have a blessing and a curse. I have no hope. The video chat guy also said that I'd end up as a serial killer - He thinks I can't love and that I'll never get out of the psychiatric system. It feeds into control, me being independent. The nonsense of hedonic seeking and histrionic PD of my mom with her friends - All they care about is their looks and wrinkles and hit on me - A friend has sex with one of them. The guys in the hiking group just wanted to have sex with the women. My brother is gay and my dad doesn't like him - That makes me annoyed. My godfather is now my dads friend who is alt-right conspiracy - And I'm twisted because of the corruption news, pandemic. I don't know what is real. Everyone's so ****ing delusional. Just regular people are weird and strange - There's no objective reality. I drank more shots, took extra vyvanse, phenibut and weed to escape the hell that I live in. I told my parents that I'm suicidal and WANT to be in psychosis. I want to break. I want to escape from this ******** reality full of sex. The big bang was an orgasm. I'm serious.