I admit...

I've sometimes ghosted people, but that's because I'm not always in the right frame of mind to respond, or because I'm triggered and don't know yet what to say.

Other times, I want to respond, but I was kicked off or had dissociated had already closed my account (or an alter did).

I'm still trying to work with my system on that.

There are many times when I wish I could just redo my life and start all over. I think I have something close to fugue states, where I just up and move - no goodbyes, very little planning - and try to start over again. Eventually, I'll connect with some (not all) of my old contacts.

But nowadays I'm a little better (not fully better, but a little) at trying to stay in the present, grounded, and able to at least communicate before a split in a relationship. Most times, however, I'm able to work things out in relationships.

Many times I'm afraid of both myself and my reactions as well as other people and their reactions. I'm more afraid of having something physically done to me than emotional though. I can handle some emotional stuff, but if it means lost job or living opportunities, then it affects my physical.

I don't ghost that much, but sometimes I used to ghost my therapists. This was a while back though. I'm more connected now. I kind of have to be, given that I'm now in the VA system. If I were in the civilian system, I could just run around - lost as usual.

I think people don't intentionally ignore others. I think there's always something going on with our own mental health that affects relationships. I don't think there's one right or wrong side either. Sometimes there's just differences that are irreconcilable. It hurts, but there are others who will understand you better. Also, people aren't always consistently this way or that, so I learned to do what I could to give some space and then be open to certain (not all) relationships. Some space and time off is all that some relationships need to thrive, but it's not meant as a breakup. I think some people confuse "space" with "breaking up" or "ignoring." Space is there to just recenter ourselves so that we don't go down a mental illness rabbit hole.