I feel for you! You have been through so much and you are so right when you say you don't deserve it. I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years, I finally had the nerve to put him in jail after he beat me severly and left me lying in the middle of a street, hurt and bleeding. That was all for looking at a man seated next to me.
I depended on a shelter to help me out and they were a blessing, without their support and understanding I probably would've gone back to him. I had to file a restraining order on him after he got out of jail because he threatened to kill me and my kids if I moved back to WIsconsin. Please get away from the man you live with, do it for your kids and yourself ...you are worth the fight. Don't let him win.
I wish I could give you some advice but I know nothing of Canadian law. Please let the people at the shelter help you, talk to them about your concerns. Don't hide anything from them they have heard it all and worse from others.
I read your poems after I read your posts. I related to the one titled him/her, it was beautiful! Bless you for writing it!!! Good Luck on getting on with your life. I'll be praying for you!!! If you want to talk just email me.
(((((((Cowgirl)))))))

Linda