Day 2 in the 2022. Great day today, people. Played with my brother’s kids (after they woke me up). I love them so much. I spent most of my day at home with them - it was their last day at their uncles place. But they will come again. As they always do. We spent the last moments today by watching cartoons. They like also to watch those programs on YouTube Kids where American parents make some goofy shows and shenanigans with their kids. I can’t believe how popular that is, but it is. Millions and millions of viewers. And I must say, it’s funny for the grownups to watch too.

I walked them home afterwards, their mother was there. My brother too - and his cyborg-leg. The little one jumped on their mom and hugged her. As he always do. One part of me was sad that they were leaving. Because they are my everything. And I like to spend every little moment with them.

When I walked back home, I thought also about myself. Me, having a family. But I don’t know. So far those women I was suppose to get a family with turned out to be something else. Not that I did tried, oh I did. And beyond. The only thing I regret is when I broke up with a girl back in 2013. She was the one. But, unfortunately, I wasn’t. I was still fragile, fighting to get myself back from the 2011 and also 2012. I wasn’t ready to be father. I was broke, no money no nothing. How the hell would I have even a family? How would I take care of my first born? With what? Money that I didn’t had? Call it common sense or whatever, but the day I broke up with her to fix my future - that haunts me too till this day. And I’m kind of sick and tired to be haunted from my past. I don’t date today, because I almost given up. My last relationship was in 2018. This year I’m 38. Watching how my fiends are married, having families and all that. Sometimes I dream about that too. Or perhaps it is my faith to be all alone? I, who chit-chatted since I was three year old with ANY stranger there was. Who is so friendly to everyone, always social. Then why the hell have I isolated myself from everyone?

That is something I ask myself too. And I don’t know. I don’t have the answer for it. Perhaps because I was hurt so many times at work? Just for being that - socialised? That I can’t trust at many people due to all this? We will see what tomorrow brings. I am just taking moment by moment, day by day. Perhaps I’ll ease up a bit with that isolation. Go out to gym as I did before. I know omicron will hit us hard, but I have two shots of mRNA. Thing is, I have also bipolar which makes everything difficult, especially IF sill get that new virus. The next shot is in February. So another month of isolation? Maybe, we will see. Not many can do this thing I am doing - while it’s ongoing difficulties on my work between me and my boss. While I need to perform at the very best on my work. While I need to keep smiling and still pretending that everything is fine. While I need to watch my back every minute to see who of my so call “colleagues” will stab me in the back with a dagger or with a sword this time. All this poison, while they all pretend to honouring the “values”.

Sorry for a long post today, dear reader. But I’m in a difficult position - and I can’t stop thinking about it. A position where my previous boss have put me into when same old boss listened at those poisonous colleagues. And last year came the new boss. Same as the old boss. But we won’t get fooled again…

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