I'm having a really rough go about it and I have no one to talk to so I'm just going to dump this here:

I feel so freaking broken. Like permanently. Glass shattered into a million tiny pieces. So why should I go on? Why bother? My life is agitation and inner chaos and I don't know how to stop that without stopping my heart from beating. There's this orb I see that no one else can see. I try to show them it but they just keep walking by thinking "oh there's that crazy girl with her stupid orb." They don't take a second to consider the orb. I'm really not okay and I don't think I ever will be. I've tried most all the meds. The therapy here sucks. They don't see the orb either. How can they help me handle the orb if they've never even seen it? Like me with love. I've seen it and I still can't even feel it anymore. It's just meaningless sex. F**k f**k F**k. I'm sick of it. I have someone to hold me but I can't feel their love they proclaim to have towards me. Because I'm glass shattered into a million tiny pieces. Every day I think about ending it, but I don't want to hurt others like others have hurt me.